THE PICAYUNE

(“It’s the truth even if it didn’t happen.”)

03 April 2009

Last Tuesday, as President Obama got off the helicopter in front of the White House, he was carrying a baby piglet under each arm.

The squared away Marine guard snaps to attention, Salutes and says:

"Nice pigs, sir."

The President replies "These are not pigs...these are authentic Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got one for Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and I got one for Speaker of The House Nancy Pelosi."

The squared away Marine again snaps to attention, Salutes and says,

"Excellent trade, sir."

"Barack Obama made his first trip as president to England. Here is my question. If the President is in England, who's running General Motors?" --Jay Leno

"So, it's pretty crazy. Look, we're bailing out Wall Street, we're bailing out banks, we're bailing out car companies. In fact, did you know there's a special box on your tax form this year you can check if you want a portion of your taxes to actually go to running the government?" --Jay Leno

"President Obama is in London right now for a meeting with 19 other world leaders. This morning, he and the First Lady met Queen Elizabeth at Buckingham Palace. He gave her an iPod as a gift, which is perfect. Now she can listen to Lil Wayne on the treadmill without anyone bothering her." --Jimmy Kimmel

"A British genealogist who traced President Obama's roots claimed Obama is related to the royal family. Well, did you see President Obama standing with Prince Charles? If those ears are any indication, I think they may be related." --Jay Leno

"Barack Obama is in London now, meeting with the G-20 countries, and the only thing that they have agreed on so far is that French President Sarkozy has a smokin' hot wife!" --David Letterman

***

"You know what's interesting? Today, a reporter in Crawford, Texas, asked former President George Bush how he felt about General Motors and Bush said, 'You know, since I left office, I don't really follow the Iraq war anymore.'" --Jay Leno

"By golly, you know what it is? April Fool's Day. Happy April Fool's Day, everybody. It is crazy when you think about it. Bush has only been out of office 10 weeks and he already has his own national holiday." --David Letterman

***

When a convicted criminal failed to show up to serve his sentence, police in Haderslev, Jutland, Denmark, went looking for him. They searched the house where he was reported to have been hiding, but didn't find him -- until a "horrible smell" alerted officers to a closet. It was the 29-year-old man's "uncontrollable flatulence" that led them to dig through a pile of clothing to find him hiding underneath. "It was probably the excitement that caused him to pass wind and it was the smell that led us to the man," said Chief Inspector Jens Peter Rudbeck. The man is now serving his two-month sentence. (Copenhagen Post) ...And his cell mate is claiming "cruel and unusual punishment". –This Is True

"Drunk Woman Falls Through Apartment Floor: Police" -- Windsor Star (Ont. Canada) headline

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Thomas L. Mowbray, Editor