THE PICAYUNE

(“It’s the truth even if it didn’t happen.”)

06 February 2009

Once again I am trying to catch up with the week before. In this case, two weeks escaped me, because my computer died. It is now better than ever, with a new power supply and a new fan, a new hard drive that is ten times the size of the old one, a new DVD writer, and a load of new software. I had considered buying a new computer when the old hard drive died, especially since Mary just got a new laptop at school that is quite spiffy, but my guru, who studied computer engineering at ISU, assured me that she could get my trusty old friend working again. And so she did. It is better than ever, and this old goat will not have to learn to use a new operating system, and can continue to enjoy the idiosyncrasies of Windows 98 on into the future. -tlm

"President Obama has asked the Senate to cut $50 billion from the economic stimulus plan. Yeah, Obama says the government will no longer need the $50 billion once everyone in his Cabinet pays their back taxes." --Conan O'Brien

"The half brother of Barack Obama, a man named George Obama, has been arrested in Kenya for allegedly having drugs. See, here we go again with the dumb presidential brothers. Remember Billy Carter? Then there was Roger Clinton, Bill Clinton's brother. See, we never had that problem with President Bush. He was already the dumb brother. " --Jay Leno

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"Tom Daschle withdrew his nomination for secretary of health and human services after being forced to pay $128,000 in back taxes. Daschle was extremely upset because now it looks like he paid his taxes for nothin'!" --Jay Leno

"As you know, Tom Daschle withdrew his name to be in Obama's cabinet, due to IRS problems. Yeah, he said, 'I will not be a distraction.' See, distraction is Washington talk for, 'Uh-oh, there's a lot more crap you don't know about yet.'" --Jay Leno

"How about that Dick Cheney? He's out of office, but he's still chomping at the bit. You know what I'm talking about? Daschle embarrasses Obama so today Obama gets a call from Cheney, 'Hey, let me waterboard him.'" --David Letterman

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"Rod Blagojevich was in the middle of his second term as governor of the state of Illinois. They impeached him and tossed him out as governor, and he is banned from participating in Illinois politics for the rest of his life. Fortunately you can participate in Illinois politics long after you're dead." –David Letterman

"Oh, boy, the Illinois senators were mad -- 59-0. Not only was Blagojevich convicted, his hairdresser was given the death penalty." --Jay Leno

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"This is kind of frightening. Al Gore told Congress last week the global warming scenario is worse than previously predicted. Worse than predicted? Wasn't the first prediction we're all going to fry to death? Huh? What's worse than that? Is it going to be humid, too? Is that it?" --Jay Leno

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Looking for a souvenir commemorating one of the most famous personalities of the 2008 election? Patriot Portrait Collectibles of Indignico Inc. has your answer: an "authentic Mexican Black Velvet Painting" of Joe the Plumber. The portrait is titled "The Last of The Undecideds," with the subheading, "A Republican Party Deep Thinker." It's yours for just $250. –The Progress Report

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Officials at the Suwa sewage treatment plant in the Nagano prefecture in Japan report they are extracting significant amounts of gold from processed sewage. They recently have been recovering 1,890 grams of gold per ton of incinerated sludge, which is significantly more than most gold mines, they say: the Hishikari Mine in Japan only yields 20-40 grams of gold per ton of ore. Officials believe the gold is from high tech manufacturers in the area. (Reuters) –This Is True

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Thomas L. Mowbray, Editor