THE PICAYUNE
(“It’s the truth even if it
didn’t happen.”)
06 March 2009
"President Obama -- talk about a tough gig, and talk about optimism. The guy is saying it's a good time to buy stocks. So here's what you do. Instead of that latte you buy in the morning, pick yourself up a thousand shares of GM." --David Letterman
"During his trip to Ottawa, Canada, President Obama said he was too embarrassed to admit to the Canadians that he'd never actually seen a hockey game. To which the Canadians said, "Oh, don't worry, we've never seen a black guy." --Jay Leno
"Secretary of Defense Robert Gates was on 'Meet the Press' yesterday. And he said that Barack Obama is more analytical than President Bush. Well, there's a shock, huh? I think Tickle Me Elmo is more analytical than President Bush." --Jay Leno
***
"By the way, ladies and gentlemen, Rush Limbaugh is the new face of the Republican Party. And I'm thinking, if I see any more of Rush Limbaugh, I'm going to have to send my housekeeper out to buy me painkillers." --David Letterman
"Actually, this past weekend, the Conservative Political Action Conference picked Mitt Romney over Sarah Palin in their straw poll to be the next presidential candidate. Yeah. Well, it's kind of interesting. I mean, one is just a pretty face, obsessed with makeup and hair. And the other, of course, is the governor of Alaska." --Jay Leno
***
"Despite the recession, Microsoft is planning to open stores to compete with Apple. Microsoft says that they'll be just like the Apple stores, except the staff will freeze when you ask them a question." --Jimmy Fallon
"If I'd just listened to CNBC I'd have a million dollars today, provided I started with a hundred million dollars." --Jon Stewart
***
Samantha Scafe is incensed that when she flew from her home in Cairns, Qld., Australia, to Coolangatta, airline Jetstar made her pay for two seats because she weighs 160kg (353 lbs). Scafe says the airline told her "not to worry about paying for the second seat" when she reserved her flight, but when she arrived at the airport, airline agents changed their minds and "advised me to book and pay for a second seat for other people's comfort because of my size." She paid -- and only then did she notice that the two seats were not together. (Cairns Post) –This Is True
"Toilet Float Had Sinister Look; Des Moines Bomb Squad Called" -- Des Moines (Iowa) Register headline [Yes, this could happen in Iowa.]
Venice - February
23, 2009 - Coca-Cola is not "buying" Venice, its city council said
Monday, reacting to polemics over a planned million-dollar partnership between
the drinks giant and the lagoon city.
An Italian daily
reported Monday that the city was "selling itself" to Coca-Cola in a
2.1 million-dollar deal that will involve "vending machines in every
corner of the city", including St Mark's Square, where tourists are
forbidden from picnicking under strict council rules on urban decorum. But
Maurizio Calligaro, the council's chief of staff, said the 60 vending machines
would not be placed on public soil, let alone near landmarks such as St Mark's.
"Fifteen
distributors will be placed on the principal vaporetti landing stages, the
others will be inside council carparks and in the limited traffic zone of the
mainland. Where's the invasion?" Calligaro said.
He also stressed
that the vending machines would not bear the Coca-Cola logo, quashing rumors
that the brand name would be plastered all over the city. Venice Mayor Massimo
Cacciari, who has long bemoaned a lack of state funds for the upkeep of city
monuments and churches, said he was "astounded" by the polemics over
the deal, adding that it was no different from others adopted in the past.
"This is a
financial strategy that today is simply indispensable for safeguarding our
monuments and artistic heritage and is in line with culture ministry
guidelines," Cacciari said.
"It follows a
strategy we've adopted with other equally prestigious collaborators - Lancia
for the restoration of the Ducal Palace, Swatch for the Biblioteca Marciana,
Replay for Ca' Rezzonico and Bulgari for the Scala d'Oro".
The mayor added that
the idea that Venice could be safeguarded "by philanthropy alone" was
unrealistic.
"These
idealists who protest against strategies such as (the Coca Cola deal), which by
now have been adopted in all the cities of the world, should have the good
taste to indicate an alternative, or, even better, provide for the needs of the
city from their own pockets," he said.
Cacciari last month
warned that Venice's monuments and churches risked falling into ruin because
too much state aid is being directed into a controversial project to protect
the lagoon city from sinking. The experimental 4.3 billion-euro Moses scheme is
scheduled to come into action in 2014 and involves moveable flood barriers that
rise from the seabed to block the lagoon from the Adriatic Sea when high tides
are forecast.
A longstanding
opponent of the costly scheme, Cacciari has warned that there are no guarantees
that it will work.
Bob Dylan
(When I Paint My Masterpiece):
“Sailin' 'round
the world in a dirty gondola"
"Oh, to be
back in the land of Coca-Cola!"
"Vaffanculo
Bob!"
"Ah,
minchia!"
Nothing like standing shin-deep in dirty lagoon water paying 5 euros (6.35 USD)
for a can of carbonated water with some flavoring and sugar. Well, if one
considers the legal fleecing that goes on every day in Venice, what are the
alternatives? Harry's Bar?
Harry's Bar is
probably the most famous named bar in the world due to its association with
people like Ernest Hemingway and Truman Capote. "Cazzo", and who
could forget the refined, dignified and grossly overfed Orson Welles who would
chug down two bottles of Dom Perignon at one sitting?
Unfortunately,
some tourists turn into complete ignorant jackasses and convince themselves
they have to go in and have one of their famous "Bellini"
concoctions.
"Ah,
minchia again!" Nothing like a glass of 3-4 oz of supermarket peach juice
and stock sparkling wine for 14 euros (18 USD). And if you're not a jackass enough to order
a second round, then the barmen politely point to the flooded piazza outside
that awaits you.
"ONLY IN
ITALY" PRESENTS: THE OFFICIAL TOP SECRET "BELLINI" COCKTAIL
RECIPE OF HARRY'S BAR
Ingredients:
One third fresh
peach juice,
Two thirds
chilled Prosecco sparkling wine.
THE SECRET: Make sure to pour the peach juice into the
glass first.
"Huh?!
Figlio di puttana..." Disappointing, isn't it?
--Only In Italy
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Thomas L. Mowbray, Editor