THE PICAYUNE
(“It’s the truth even if it
didn’t happen.”)
27 April 2009
Did I miss something, or was last week a really slow week
for political humor? Well, here is what my notes boiled down to. --tlm
"Bill Clinton and George W. Bush will appear together on stage in Toronto for a two-hour, friendly debate. Each side gets to pick a topic, so the first hour will be centered on the international banking crisis. The second hour will be dedicated to Nascar trivia." --Jimmy Fallon
***
"Texas Governor Rick Perry said the state of Texas could secede from the Union if it wanted to. Is that what we need, another foreign country on our southern border speaking a language we don't understand? Come on! Former President Bush wasted no time responding to this. He said, 'Wow, does that mean I get to be president again?'" --Jay Leno
"Secretary of State Hillary Clinton says the United States is now ready to talk to Cuba. You know what that means? Apparently, we are already interviewing replacements for Texas." --Jay Leno
***
"Congratulations to Miss North Carolina, Kristen Dalton, who won the Miss USA pageant last night. So, I guess Republicans now have a VP candidate for 2012." --Jimmy Fallon
"So many newspapers all across the country are going out of business. It's pretty scary, so congratulations to The New York Times this week, which this week won five Pulitzer Prizes. I read about it online on Google News." --Jay Leno
***
CHAPPAQUA, NY—Unveiling a bold scent described by its manufacturer as 'steely, bracing, and curt, with notes of patent leather, sandalwood, and wool serge,' Secretary of State Hillary Clinton launched her own line of soaps, eaux de toilette, and body splashes Thursday. The new fragrance, called 'AuthoritĂ©,' was designed to evoke the olfactory equivalent of sensible shoes clicking purposefully down a marble-tiled hallway. 'Our distinguished parfumeurs—and, more importantly, Madame Secretary—have created exactly the right tone, a scent that brooks no argument,' spokesperson Etienne Falbaum said. 'This is a controlled, competent, and, above all, patient essence that makes men sit up, take notice, and not speak until spoken to.' Advertising inserts scented with AuthoritĂ© will be featured in upcoming editions of Elle, The Economist, and The New York Review of Books. –The Onion
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